I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
