Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
