Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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