I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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