By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
