6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this will be a night to untag.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize