bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
