Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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