did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
