I don't usually arrange sex via text message
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
