So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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