I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
