I accidentally burped into my bong.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
