i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
