Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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