I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
