just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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