Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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