remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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