Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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