I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
