He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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