My balls are so social today.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
