i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize