This girl is more easily done than said...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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