Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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