I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
