Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have fence marks all over my body
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
