I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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