the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
