hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
