Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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