Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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