it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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