Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we should paint friendship bongs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize