And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize