so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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