we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
