I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
