Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
