I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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