i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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