That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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