There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
