I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
