Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
