How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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