I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
