Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What drink are we having for lunch?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
