There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
