You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
