Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
