My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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