Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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