East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
