Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
