In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
