let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
