I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize