If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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