When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
