It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
