So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
that is very illegal...i love you.
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