"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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